Reminder that titles of blogs are contextual.
Today was an exhausting, rewarding, and (dare I say) fun day at CrossFit Zeal.
I do worry, however, that I haven’t hated Michael Kelley in what seems like forever. I suppose I’ll have to change boxes or open my own box if I ever want him to never speak to me again. It’s tempting.
I led the 8 and attended the 9:15 session. I arrived at 7:30 if for no other reason to work on my own mobility before I worked out. And I’m glad I did, as I led the warm up for both sessions. You’re welcome, Michael Kelley.
The warm up consisted of 5 somersaults, 400m run holding light plates, reverse flies, lateral raises, running drills, and 3 minutes spent upside down. A good time was had by most. Since, as I mentioned yesterday, I’m self-centered and egotistical, I’ll focus only on my own performance.
I did at least put athletes’ names on the board, and at the top of the list was Mike Hunt.
Deload Effort Upper
Speed Bench, 9×3 @ 60% (3×3 at wide, neutral, and close grip), 30-45 sec rest
I had the good fortune of partnering with The Other Paul, who pressed 115 while I pressed 105#. My shoulder was nagging me a bit, but I’ve learned to deal with the slight pain.
5×5 Pull-Ups (weighted if necessary)
5×5 Kettlebell or Dumbbell Single Arm Row
Uhm, like I wasn’t going to choose muscle-ups? I successfully completed 5 rounds of 5 muscle-ups, and I look good doing so.
On The Minute for 12 Minutes
10 Push Press (60-70% 1RM)
The push press should be unbroken, but heavy enough so that the last 1-2 reps of each round are difficult. Score is total completed rounds (max of 12).
Having coached this earlier, I knew what to expect. Only Amy achieved 12 rounds, and I’m confident that she could have gone heavier and still completed all rounds.
I set up my bar in my usual space, i.e., in front of the open garage door so that no one could get all up in my business. This blog posted on Again Faster (that I posted on Facebook) has generated some interesting conversations, including one with The Other Paul, who was positioned 90 degrees to my right – so that he could watch me out of the corner of his eye. Don’t deny it, Paul. I know it, you know it, Heather knows it, and Michael Kelley is fat.
I settled on 75#, 60% of 1RM. I did not want to go heavier for fear of reinjuring my left shoulder.
My goal was to compete only with myself and to ignore others as much as I could. This was somewhat difficult to do, as I could always hear the sound of barbells dropping to the floor, and I could often sense The Other Paul looking in my direction. I was confident that I could complete 10 push presses and 5 burpees within 1 minute, so that wasn’t a goal. Instead, I told myself that if I couldn’t do 10 unbroken push presses that I was allowed to rest a round – regardless of how much time was left in that round.
The first 6 or so rounds were relatively easy, and Michael Kelley actually complimented me on the speed of the push presses, although he did remind me to not jump. By the 7th or 8th round, that barbell started to feel very heavy, so much so that it caused me to rip off my shirt. I was still completing rounds with no less than 25 seconds to recover. I was still doing push presses and burpess unbroken as well, but I was getting rather winded.
I had quite a conversation with myself during the 10th round. It went something like this: Shit, 75 pounds feels heavy. Just try to get through this round. One, two, three, four, five, six – I don’t know if I can do another rep. Seven, eight – you can stop if you want to. Nine, and ten. My god, that was miserable. Oh, wait, I’ve got five burpees to do now. Just rest the next round. You’re only competing with yourself, so it doesn’t matter how many rounds you do – or do not – complete. It’s getting quite slippery. One, two, three. Perhaps I shouldn’t have taken off my shirt. I like that even when I’m talking to myself I don’t end a sentence with a preposition. Four, and five. Don’t do the next round. Rest, and finish strong. Wait, did Michael Kelley just say, “Thirty seconds”? You don’t have to do the next round. I’m thirsty. Michael Kelley has razor stubble on his chest. That’s weird. My mid-thigh looks like I shaved, but that’s from doing cleans. Shit, he’s counting down from five. That’s okay, don’t do the next round. Shit, I told myself that I could only rest if I didn’t complete a round unbroken, and I did complete that last round unbroken. If the only person I’m competing with is myself, then I’d better pick up the damn bar and make it through another round.
And that’s what I did. I did not, however, complete the push presses unbroken, and dropped the bar after 7 reps. I nonetheless completed the round with about 20 seconds left.
And then I heard these words come out of Michael Kelley’s mouth: “I’m not fat; I’m big- boned! Everyone has to do the last round. You should all be able to finish within the minute.”
Damn it. That meant I had to complete the final round. I did so, but started at 5 or so seconds after the top of the minute. I once again completed push presses in reps of 7 and 3. I was also, I believe, one of the last to complete that round, although I did so with 10 seconds to spare.
I enjoyed this metcon tremendously, if for no other reason than it was very challenging, and I exceeded my expectations.
I’m not sure, however, if my score is 10 or 12, as I did not complete the last 2 rounds unbroken. Michael Kelley? Michael Kelley? You can sext me the answer.
Seated Band Rows 100 reps
Seated Upright Row 3×12-15
Uhm, I completed 100 reps of both activities. Stupid Michael Kelley.
As the 10:30ers worked out, I continued with accessory work. That could only mean one thing: that damn sled. Michael Kelley programmed today’s workout, and he’s as handsome as he is fat. That’s pretty damn handsome!
3 x 400m pulling the damn sled forward, 70# + sled
3 x 60m sprints pulling the damn sled backwards, 45# + sled
15 GHD sit-ups between rounds
Burt, The Other Paul, and Heather were kind enough to “join” me for the first 400m pull. I left them in my dust. True story. M goals were to complete 400m pulls with just a brief rest at the turnaround, to truly sprint the backward pulls, and to complete all rounds of GHD sit-ups.
I completed this grueling workout with just 5 minutes to spare before the start of the Community WOD. There were 15 or more in attendance, including quite a few regular as well as the lovely, Lululemon-wearing Christine! As Christine is a yogi, I included held planks in the WOD: 12-minute AMRAP of 5 pull-ups, 10 box jumps/KB swings (alternate rounds) and a 30-second plank hold. It appears that this was a popular workout, and quite a few sang my praises. No need to, folks, as I’m well aware of my awesomeness. I remind myself of it daily.
I said many funny things today, none of which I’m going to share. I’ve become aware that I am a member of CrossFit Zeal for entertainment purposes only.
I drank a beer. And it was good.