Posts Tagged ‘dead-lifts’

Dead-lifts and pushups

April 15, 2013

I’m composing this as I watch the ABC News report of the incident at the finish of the Boston Marathon. Tragic. The first report of casualties is being reported. My mood is somber. I’ve run the Boston Marathon twice, and I have many friends who ran the race today. So very, very sad.

As Rob was the only athlete to attend the 6 am session, I worked out with him. His form continues to improve, particularly with bar path and squat depth.

Strength
HBBS
5 @ 75, 80, 85%

Today is the first day of Wendler. I had forgotten just how much I like having a structured program. I based weight on 1RM of 225# and completed sets @ 170, 180, & 190#. The last rep was a struggle – as it should be.

Conditioning
5 RFT
15 dead-lifts, 135#
15 ring pushups

This is a main site WOD. I knew it would be fast, but I didn’t realize it would be so challenging. I set what I thought was a realistic goal of completing unbroken reps and finishing in under 5 minutes. I did not achieve either goals.

I did complete rounds of dead-lifts unbroken, and 135# felt very, very heavy. I completed the first 3 rounds of ring pushups unbroken, round 4 in reps of 8 & 7, and the last round in reps of 8, 5, & 2. My time was 5:02.

Pursuit

August 22, 2012

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I had ever intention of going for a 1RM push press early this morning, and arrived at the box at 5am in order to do so. Alas, I am experiencing pain in my left shoulder and bicep once again. I knew this almost immediately, as I was unable to push press the 45# bar without experiencing excruciating pain. I was able to manage 3 x 8 Bradford presses using only the 45# bar. Damn it.

I spent 45 minutes stretching and working on mobility.

I coached the 6amers, and most, if not all, achieved 1RMs. Nice job! That is all.

As I was once again picking up Luke from Doggie Village, I joined an evening session, and was one of five in attendance, including Leah, Heather, Sarah, and Cheri – and the only male. Michael Kelley was kind enough to work on my left arm and bicep, and (while painful) it did help. Nonetheless, my left arm still hurt, and I suggested that I do front squats instead. Michael Kelley would have none of that. Damn it, Michael Kelley! Thus, I set up a bar on the rack, and got to work. I set a realistic goal of push pressing my body weight, and that was all that I was able to achieve. I attempted 155# two times, and failed on both attempts. My left arm hurt.

I completed 3 x 15 each arm of bent-over dumbbell rows. I used a 30# dumbbell this first round, but as that felt relatively easy, I used a 45# dumbbell for the remaining rounds. Uhm, activate your shoulder before rowing, folks. I don’t want to have to tell you again.

Today’s metcon was a half a “Nate.” Lux, always the comedian, had early asked, “A four?” Get it? Half a Nate?

I attempted a handstand pushup, and it hurt. I grabbed the rings to attempt a muscle-up, and it hurt. I positioned the rings to do ring pushups, attempted a few, and it didn’t hurt.

Michael Kelley and I discussed substitutions, and I said, “I’m thinking heavy dead-lifts, maybe 275 pounds, ring pushups, and heavy kettle bell swings.” He asked, “How about wall crawls? Did they hurt when we did earlier during warmup?” “No, no pain there,” I replied. Michael Kelley said, “Do two wall crawls, four heavy dead-lifts, and eight heavy kettle bell swings.” “Okay,” I said, “I’ll use the seventy-pound kettle bell, and do Russian swings do I don’t hurt my arm.”

I put 225# on the bar, and did one lift. I thought, “This feels plenty heavy enough.” Michael Kelley walked by and said, “I thought you were going to do heavy dead-lifts? Didn’t you say 275?” Damn it, Michael Kelley! I added 2, 25# plates to the ends of the bar.

10-minute AMRAP
2 wall crawls
4 dead-lifts, 275#
8 Russian kettle bell swings, 70#

My goals were to complete 6 rounds and to do all activities unbroken. Guess what? I did not achieve this goal, although I came pretty damn close…

I completed all wall crawls with full range of motion, with my chest touching the wall, and walking both down and up the wall, i.e., not flopping off of the wall.

That first dead-lift is always tough, and today was no exception. I was delighted that I completed all rounds unbroken, as I was not at all confident that I would be able to do so. As I said repeatedly during the metcon, “Two hundred and seventy-five pounds is f@cking heavy!” For perspective, 275# is 190% of my bodyweight and 82% of 1RM. After the metcon Michael Kelley said, “I was getting ready to tell you to do one dead-lift at a time.” Why, Michael Kelley, why?

Uhm, the kettle bell swings were the most challenging part of the metcon? Why, yes! I completed all but the last round unbroken. Unfortunately, I didn’t chalk my hands, and I lost my grip after 7 reps. Damn it, Michael Kelley!

I completed 6 rounds – plus 1 wall crawl! Yup, I far surpassed my goal.

We’re Even

August 14, 2012

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Yesterday’s blog, for whatever reason, is now the most popular post to date. Perhaps I should share my thoughts and emotions more frequently…

Don’t get excited, though, for today’s blog is far less interesting. Michael Kelley. See, you’re bored already.

I did work out this morning, and we focused on split jerk form, blah, blah, blah. I then did 20 minutes of pulling that damn sled 60m with 80#, L-sits, handstand holds, shoulder taps, and planks with 60# on my back, blah, blah, blah.

As I will be attending the 6am session at CrossFit Brier Creek this Thursday morning, I decided to take a quick trip there today. It is a mere 2.5 miles from my place of employment, and very easy to get to. I met the own, Kirk, and coach, Josh. The place is HUGE! They have more than enough room to expand, and the set up is quite appealing. Uhm, if I like it I may have to consider changing boxes. Yes? Yes.

I also got official word from Dave from CrossFit Durham that I will once again be coaching the 10 and 11am Sunday sessions. I miss my CFD friends, and I’m looking very forward to reconnecting with them. Oh, and coaching. I’ll be working out solo from 8:30 to 10 on Sundays, and as CFD has equipment that CFZ does not, this will give me an opportunity to expand my repertoire of skills.

Michael Kelley and I had heated exchanges today about RS and Cuban presses. I stopped by the box tonight before picking up Luke from daycare for no other reason that to yell at him. It appears that he has damaged his arms, and he can’t hold them by his side. As I noted to others, he looks like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. Only fatter. And whiter.

As you may recall, I was upset with Michael Kelley for not coaching me during yesterday’s failed dead-lift attempt at 225#. We exchanged sexts yesterday and he apologized for not coaching and I apologized for not making my expectations known. He sexted: I just wanted you to approach, get your grip, take a breath/set your back and pull. He sent me a video of himself that I’ve put in my spank bank doing just that.

I honestly had no intention of doing dead-lifts today, but I jokingly told Michael Kelley that I was going to do so. He said, “No”. That was all the motivation that I needed. Thus, after he demonstrated how to do RS and Cuban presses, I changed, stretched, and set up the bar away from the 5:15ers. (Hello, Brooke, Heather, Ines, Leah, and Rachelle! You women looked strong. Love the new ‘do, Brooke!)

I gave it a try. I put 2, 45# plates on the bar for a total of 135#. I then practically ran up to the bar, quickly set my hands and back, and explosively lifted the bar 5 times. Using the same technique, I lifted 225 and 275 for 3 reps and 315# 2 times. I paused as long as I felt I needed to between lifts, not paying any attention to the running clock. I placed the plates on Leah’s and Rachelle’s backs when after the got into plank position. I’m just that nice. Like Luca. He’s nice, too.

It dawned on me that I was running to the bar so quickly that I hadn’t even yet changed to mixed grip; thus, I lifted 315# with regular grip. Uhm, I’ve never done that before.

I put 325 on the bar, 5# more than 1RM. I grabbed my iPhone, and asked Nicole to record. She did, and I thank you, Nicole!

I chalked my hands, reminded myself to use mixed grip, walked quickly to the bar, quickly set up, and very easily lifted 325#! I yelled, “Michael Kelley, Michael Kelley, I just lifted three hundred and twenty-five f@cking pounds!” He replied, “I know, I’ve been watching you out of the corner of my eye.” He approached me, held out his arms, and gave me a hug. In retrospect maybe he didn’t hold out his arms – maybe they were already outstretched. I hadn’t thought of that. Anyway, that made my day!

I know we’re supposed to stop after reaching a PR, but that lift felt too damn easy. I said, “I’m going to lift again, Michael Kelley.” He asked, “Are you going to try 330 or 335?” I said, “Uhm, 330.” I thought, “Why would he suggest going ten pounds heavier? Does he think I’ll fail? Is he trying to teach me a lesson?”

I put 2, 5# plates on the ends of the bar and fastened the clips. I walked to the water fountain and took a nice, long drink of water. I walked back to the bar, took off the 5# plates, and replaced them with 10# plates. Yes, there was now 335# on the bar. I thought, “Why the hell not give it a try. As I always say, ‘You learn as much from failure as you do from success.’” I chalked my hands, walked quickly to the bar, and lifted it from the floor with hardly any struggle at all. It almost felt effortless! I again yelled, “Michael Kelley, Michael Kelley!” He once again approached, but this time held up his hand for a high five. Uhm, am I suddenly a straight man afraid of touching another man? I held out my arms, and he fell into them. Or maybe he merely tripped. I don’t really care, to be honest, for not only did we hug, I kissed him on the neck. I’m not sure, but I think he may have blushed.

That, Michael Kelley, was the coaching (and the hugging and the kissing) that I needed.

For those of you keeping score at home, 335# is a 15# improvement over previous PR. Bitches.

As I stated earlier this week, Michael Kelley owed me three hugs and one kiss. I received one and two hugs yesterday and today, respectively, and a kiss (although I was the one to kiss him) today.

Now do you understand the title of today’s blog?

Worst Closing Ceremony Ever.

August 13, 2012

I have much to get off of my very broad chest. You have been warned. (I composed this blog during my lunch break, as I didn’t want to wait until tonight to do so. I also type 120 wpm, so I can type almost as fast as many people can talk. One last thing: I like parentheses.)

I arrived at CFZ at 5:35 to allow extra time to stretch and focus on mobility. My lattimus dorsi muscles are quite sore.

I remind myself daily to separate impact from intent. In other words, folks might not intend to impact me by the words they say. Faithful readers and friends know that I am open with my sexuality if for no other reason to make you damn straights aware that my people aren’t much different from your people. I truly appreciate that folks feel free to talk openly with me about this topic. Nonetheless, I get some stupid questions – none of them asked this morning. From this moment forward these will be my responses to the following questions.

Q: When did you choose to be gay?
A: I can’t recall exactly. When did you choose to be straight? It’s not a choice, idiot.

Q: Can you have sex with a woman?
A: I can have sex with anyone I want. Being gay or straight isn’t about sex; it’s about being drawn to someone with whom you can form a loving relationship. I’m not homosexual, I’m homoemotional.

Q: Does Jeff get jealous of your relationship with Michael Kelley?
A: No, and why would he? Michael Kelley is one of my best friends. I’ve had both female and male best friends, and I’ve never wanted to have sex with any of them. Just because Michael Kelley is a somewhat attractive male doesn’t mean I want to do him. Besides, he’s too beefy for me.

Stay with me…

I shall no longer call someone homophobic, because to have a phobia is to experience fear. Given that there’s nothing to fear, I shall not refer to someone as homophobic, I’ll just call them an asshole.

I know, I know, I still haven’t even begun to discuss today’s workout. I’ll get there eventually.

B. (a truly wonderful, kind, and caring person) and I had the following conversation. My thoughts are italicized.

B.: Did you watch the closing ceremony of the Olympics last night?
Paul: Here it comes. He’s going to say something that he thinks is not homophobic but will likely be about gays. Yes. Go ahead and say it. I know you’re gaycist.
B.: The camera panned out to the audience and there were these two guys. One was on the shoulders of the other.
Paul: Uhm, I’m not sure where he’s going with this. And?
B.: They looked pretty gay.
Paul: How the f%ck does someone “look” gay? It would only look gay if the man on the shoulders of the other man was facing backwards.

Again, I know B. meant no offense, i.e., that wasn’t his intended impact. I’m also not the least bit angry or upset with him — and I hope he’s not upset or angry with me for sharing this conversation.

Here is what I think looked gay as I watched the Olympics: all male group sports, e.g., water polo (perhaps the most gay of all), volleyball, basketball (yes, basketball), running relays, and the list goes on and on.

Stay with me. I know you can do it.

Touch is the most basic and primary form of communication, and from the time we are born until the moment we die we all need to touch and to be touched. Given the heteroidiocy (my term for homophobia) in our society, particularly directed towards gay men, straight men avoid touching other men for fear — yes, fear — that they will be perceived as gay.

Unless, of course, that touch takes place in the context of team sports.

It is not at all unusual for men to touch other men when the touch takes place in this context. Score a touchdown? Group hug! Spike the volleyball? You get a chest bump! Make the foul shot? You get a slap on the ass! I have seen men grab the face of a teammate, draw the teammate’s face to their own, and practically kiss them. That’s pretty damn intimate.

These same behaviors in other contexts would be deemed highly inappropriate. Let’s give it a try, imagining only males engaging in these behaviors.

Make the sale? Chest bump! Earn a bonus? Full hug! Turn in a great report? Slap on the ass! Get a promotion? A kiss on the lips!

Don’t think for a moment that I think there is anything at all wrong with any of these behaviors, and I honestly wish men could more openly touch other men without fear of reprisal. (I also am aware that I haven’t mentioned women touching other women.)

Here’s what I think looked the least gay: men’s gymnastics and men’s individual diving. Here’s what I know did look gay: men’s synchronized diving. Oh, and women’s synchronized swimming and rhythmic gymnastics. Don’t get me started.

A slight aside before I continue my diatribe. I’m not a hugger, so when I hug someone it most certainly communicates my connection to that individual. I hug or would hug: Jeff, my mother, my mother-in-law, George, Amy, Tracy, and Michael Kelley. Okay, I usually don’t turn down hugs from others, but I seek hugs from these individuals. I appreciate that Michael Kelley extends hugs to me and also genuinely hugs me in return, and I admire him for not worrying about what others may think. Unless, of course, that I’m wrong. Let me know, okay, Michael Kelley?

I’ve gotten much off of my exceedingly broad chest. I’m not quite finished, but I’ll talk about today’s workout to appease you, dear readers.

After warming up, we were to establish 1RM for dead-lift. I teamed with Alex and someone else. My goal was to lift 325, 5# more than current 1RM, and I did not achieve this goal. The heaviest I lifted was 315# — and I’m okay with that. I did not, however, like people looking at and cheering for me during that lift. I know you mean well, but leave me the f%ck alone.

About the last attempt, and remember, it’s my blog so I get to say whatever I want to say…

Everyone had completed their last lift except for me. I asked Michael Kelley to coach me through the lift. I walked up to the bar, I set my back, I set my hands, I took the tension off of the bar, I thought “Be explosive”, I attempted the lift, I got the bar off of the ground, and I released it.

Uhm, where was the coaching? Afterwards, Michael Kelley said, “You’re just like everyone else. You spend far too much time getting ready for the lift.” Uhm, that’s coaching? I wanted him to say, “Okay, Paul, you know you can do this. Position yourself and get ready to lift. Take the tension off of the bar. Take a deep breath. And lift!” Instead I got silence. I know, I know, I don’t like cheering, but cheering and coaching are two entirely different things. You owe me a hug, Michael Kelley. Make that two hugs.

And don’t ever say I’m just like everyone else. You now owe me three hugs and a kiss.

I’m about to get more off of my exceedingly well-defined and broad chest.

Quite a few folks asked if my last lift was successful, and I merely said, “No”. One individual then asked, “Are you disappointed?” My immediate thought was, “Why the f%ck would I be disappointed? It’s just a lift! In the whole scheme of things, my dead-lifting 325 pounds is rather insignificant.” I replied, “No. There’s as much to be learned from failure as there is from success.”

I know I’m stuck at 320#, and I’m honestly okay with that, folks, as 320# is 220% of my bodyweight. For a middle-aged, light, short, gay man, that’s pretty good. A-ha! You thought, “Why did Paul mention that he’s gay? That’s insignificant.” And you’re absolutely right.

But I have a question for you: Do I look gay when I lift? Do I look gay when I do burpees, pull-ups, pushups, air squats, box jumps, ring dips, muscle-ups, wall crawls, back levers, vertical holds, sled pulls, shuttle sprints, wall ball shots, toes to bar, etc.? I’ll be sure to wear my Frankie Goes To Hollywood “Relax” tee shirt next time I work out so that I do indeed look gay.

The conditioning consisted of 3 rounds for time of 25 wall balls, using a 20# wall ball, and 20 toes to bar. I completed wall ball shots unbroken (round 1) and in reps of 15 & 10 (round 2) and 10, 10, & 5 (last round). I completed 20 unbroken toes to bar the first round, and was able to string some together the second round, but only 5 the last round. Did I mention that my lattimus dorsi muscles are quite sore? I completed in a time of 6:33. No, I wasn’t disappointed. I finished the day by completing 3 x 8 backward lunges holding 30# dumbbells and 3 x 15 GHD back extensions.

You want to know what I thought was gay about the closing ceremony of the Olympics? George Michael and Neil Tennant & Chris Lowe of the Pet Shop Boys, because all of them are openly so. Oh, and the boys of One Direction. And perhaps Sporty Spice.

~~~~~

Michael Kelley sexted me after reading today’s post, and offered his apologies for not coaching me during my last dead-lift attempt. I let him know that it was just as much my fault for not letting him know what my expectations were. We’ve made up, but have not yet kissed. Not yet.

I arrived at CFZ this evening around 6:30, and immediately began pulling that damn sled. I pulled the sled 60+m walking forward and then backward, and pulling 80, 115, 150# — just a little more than my bodyweight. My goal was to not rest during the turnaround when pulling 80 and 115, and to only rest briefly before the turnaround when pulling 150#, and I achieved this goal. When pulling my bodyweight I thought, “If this is how heavy I feel, I might need to lose some weight.”

Just after finishing my last round, I saw Nathanael attempt a very heavy dead-lift — and he almost got it! He is exceedingly strong, and is as nice as he is strong. That’s pretty damn nice. Britt was next to attempt a PR. She got the bar off of the ground and above her knees, but she was struggling. I yelled, “Shoulders back, Britt! Shoulders back!” She did just that, and completed the lift. I said, “That’s how you coach the dead-lift, Michael Kelley.” I gave Britt a big sweaty hug. She earned it.

I next completed a 10-min AMRAP of a burpee ladder (1, 2, 3…), consisting of 24″ box jump burpees, slalom burpees, and break dancing (yes, breaking dancing) burpees. All burpees were completed strict and with full range of motion, i.e., not merely flopping to the ground. I completed 4 rounds + 1o reps, for a total of 15 box jump and slalom burpees and 10 breaking dancing burpees. This was quite challenging, and it was also fun to mix up things a bit.

I finished the day with 5 sets of 10 reps of fast GHD sit-ups.

William approached me as I was leaving, and he had evidently seen me driving on Rt 1 on my way to the box. He asked, “Did you come straight here?” I replied, “There you go again being a gaycist. No, I did not come straight here, I came forward here.”

I’m not without a sense of humor.

Finally

August 2, 2012

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I rested yesterday. And it was good.

I did stop by CFZ to pick up my two Custom Fit meals. Michael Kelley was, of course, leading the 5:15pm session. I haven’t hated him for the past 12 days. Yes, 12 whole days. I actually kinda sorta like him. I’m as shocked as you are! I don’t know what came over me, but I approached him, and I hugged him. I hugged Michael Kelley. And it was good.

I’ve hugged him in the past, but I always had a reason to do so, e.g., I hadn’t seen him for a stretch of time, he had achieved a goal, etc. I had no reason to hug him, yet I did. I truly wish he’d do something stupid so that I could be mad at him. Do something stupid, Michael Kelley!

Last night he texted me to ask if I was going to be at the box first thing in the morning and I texted, “B there if u want a hug. Sleep in otherwise.”

As I know I’m generally a bit tight the day following a rest day, I arrived extra early, 5:30am, to allow ample time to warm up. And it was good.

I had just started dead-lifting when others began to arrive, including Michelle (!), Claire, Alex, and Timmy. I had been listening to Keane, but as the music was rather somber I switched the Pandora station to Kyle Minogue. More about that in a moment…

Michael Kelley arrived shortly after 6. He said, “I’m here at 6. Do I get a hug?” I hugged Michael Kelley, and as I did so I kissed his neck. Ha! He said I was too bristly, so I’ll be sure to shave before I plant one on him. Nonetheless, it was good.

Lauren was rowing as part of her warmup, and out of the blue she asked, “Did you erase your name from the whiteboard?” She may have been the first to notice. “Yes,” I said, “and I don’t put my PRs on the whiteboard either.” “It’s like you don’t exist at Zeal,” she commented. It is like I don’t exist at Zeal.

Having coached the following yesterday, I was very much looking forward to today. I wasn’t disappointed.

Strength
Dead-lift
Using last week’s 3RM, work up to 5 singles with no more than 1-minute rest between sets.

I lifted 3 reps @ 135, 225, 255, & 285, and 5 singles @ 315#. I focused on explosiveness, and heavy singles felt good. I’m confident I can go heavier! Finally!

Michael Kelley had me attempt banded, weighted squats to a box. I gave it a try and was, of course, tremendously successful. Uhm, others who shall remain nameless? Not so much so.

Conditioning
Part A: 3 unbroken power cleans on the minute x 8 minutes (75%)
Part B: 1 power clean every 30 sec x 4 min (85%)

I lifted 110 for part A and 125# for part B. This is the most comfortable I’ve felt with power cleans in quite some time, and even Michael Kelley said that my form has improved. For the very first time, I was able to successfully extend my hips when the bar hit me mid-thigh. I also managed to scrape quite a bit of hair off of my thighs.

Michael Kelley suggested that I focus on hang power cleans so as to allow me to focus on throwing my hips back. I might do that, Michael Kelley.

Part C:
AMRAP 6
5 Dead-lifts (weight from Part B)
7 burpee double lateral hops

This was far too much fun, and I was disappointed that it didn’t last longer. The clock was running up, so I had written “47” in my notebook so that I would know when the six minutes had expired. Unfortunately, when doing the metcon I couldn’t remember 47, and had to quite often move to my notebook to look. I also used poker chips to keep track of rounds, and honestly wish that someone had counted for me – as I didn’t even like stopping to move a chip!

I completed 8 rounds + 5 dead-lifts + 2 burpees.

As I was preparing to leave, Timmy asked, “What was this music that we were listening to?” I replied, “Kylie Minogue. It included songs by Madonna, Lady Gaga, and others. It was rather gay, I know. That’s why Michael Kelley was enjoying it so much. And why he knew all of the words.”

I did put a PR on the board: Have not hated Michael Kelley for 12 days. I didn’t include my name, but I’m sure everyone will know whose PR it is. Yes?

I coached a group of out-of-town visitors who I’m training this week as part of my real job, Christene, Mary, and Eric. They did a great job on a grueling metcon! 7-minute AMRAP of 1, 2, 3… pushups and wall ball shots; rest 3 minutes; 7-minute AMRAO of 1, 2, 3… toes to bar and KB swings.

Ex-communicated

July 28, 2012

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An enjoyable, productive day at CFZ! I worked out solo from 8 to 9 – and I liked doing so.

Strength
3 x 3 sled pulls; forwards, backwards, dead-lift

My goal was to do all rounds unbroken and with fast transitions, and I did just that. For whatever reason, I find the backwards to be the most exhausting.

Maximum rep floor presses; 30# dumbbells
25 pull-aparts; blue band

I completed 30, 20, 15, & 20 presses. I wasn’t, however, able to complete more than 15 unbroken pull-aparts. Those are tough!

Jeff says that I now have a chest. I like to save I have chesticles.

Michael Kelley appeared shortly after 9. He really needs to shave. He looks like a hippie. Or a singer of country music. He then taught me how to speed bench. I had to remind him that I’m an auditory learner, and that he had to not only demonstrate but also explain what he was doing. Nonetheless, I think I’m going to enjoy speed press, and I’m anxious to try with weight on the bar.

I attended the 9:30 session coached by Michael Kelley.

Every minute on the minute for 10 minutes
3 burpee muscle-ups

We were allowed to choose our own bodyweight activity, and burpee muscle-ups were an obvious choice. I did indeed complete all 30 reps, and felt strong from start to finish.

My good friend Paul A. was struggling with muscle-ups.

Me: Paul, use your hips! This will improve your lovemaking abilities as well.
Paul A.: But you don’t use your hips!
Me: I know. I don’t have to. I merely need to remain stationary to please my partner. I just stand there. I’m that good.

I really wanted to do the conditioning consisting of running 400m with a medicine ball, wall ball shots, and pull-ups. When the WOD was posted last night I replied, “I claim the 30# medicine ball.” K. stated, “Woah woah woah. I didn’t know I needed to call dibs. I’ll rock, paper, scissors you for it.” I’m a coach, and I should defer to the needs of the athletes. I stated, “It’s yours. I’ll just do the wod solo later today or tomorrow.” And that’s what I intended to do. When K. arrived he asked if I wanted to use the 30# medicine ball, and said that he’d do the WOD at 10:30. I’m not going to get into a pissing match. You want it? You use it.

I completed a modified version of the main site WOD instead.

Conditioning
4 rounds for time:
30 jump and touch (jump to a target 1’ above reach; for me that was a pull-up bar)
20 dead-lifts, 185#
10 HSPUs

This was grueling. Jump and touches were relatively easy, and once I got into the swing of things after the first 5 or 6 of the first round, I completed the remaining rounds unbroken. I was nonetheless winded after each round.

I took a smart approach to dead-lifts in that I completed all rounds in reps of 10, 6, & 4, resting as long as I needed to before stepping up to the bar. I was also occasionally pouring cold water on the top of my head. Each time I finished a set, even sets of 4 reps, I felt light-headed.

Oh, and I took off my shirt about 3 minutes into the metcon.

I should’ve known better than to attempt HSPUs after doing so many muscle-ups just moments earlier. I did the first round in reps of 4, 2, 2, 1, & 1. I completed 2 the second round, and then switched to negative pushups using 45# plates. Even though I had completed 2 HSPUs, I did 10 unbroken negative pushups the second and remaining rounds.

I will admit to being exhausted from the start of this metcon. I was facing a group of folks when doing dead-lifts, including Jeff and Burt, and they had no choice but to observe. Burt’s hilarious, and I truly enjoy joking with him. As I approached the dead-lift bar for the third round, I pulled down the front of my Lululemon shorts to just above my junk. Keep in mind that I was shirtless, so all present got a good look. I don’t know what overcame me. I truly don’t.
I completed the metcon in 13:10. I was done for the day.

But wait, I wasn’t done for the day, as I coached the 10:30 session, and, like the 9:30 session, it was a full house of probably 16 or so folks – including Ashley Thompson Denton. Yes, Ashley Thompson Denton! She looked as awesome as ever, and can that girl squat.

Amy used a 14# ball for wall ball shots. Nice job, Amy! (She really wanted a mention on my blog, so there it is.)

I was most proud of Jeff (not my Jeff) for challenging himself with wall climbs for skills, Nicole for powering though the last round of pushups, and Burt for carrying a 45# plate for 400m runs. That’s hardcore.

I led the Community WOD, attended by six visitors as well as Kristin (who’s not a bitch), Nicole (who’s also not a bitch), and Jeff (who can sometimes be a bitch). It was called “Burpee Hell”, and Jeff says it was the hardest Community WOD I’ve ever led. Four rounds with a minute rest between rounds of burpees jumping on plate, burpee with plate press, and burpee box jumps. It looked fun!

Uhm, I jokingly called Kristin a bitch, and she thought I meant it. Folks, if I’m angry or upset with you, you’ll know it. Don’t believe me? Ask Michael Kelley.

I joined a group for lunch, including Ashley Thompson Denton. Yes, Ashley Thompson Denton! Michael Kelley and I, even though seated just a few feet apart, exchanged sexts. CFZ is going to begin offering an 8am session on Saturdays, and I would very much like to coach that session. I’ve stated unequivocally that I do not want to coach three session on any given day, and that I’d be happy to coach 8am, attend 9:15, and coach 10:30 am session; thus, I wouldn’t coach the Community WOD. For whatever reason, Michael Kelley doesn’t enjoy coaching the Community WOD. He suggested that I coach the 8am session, attend the 9:15 session, do accessory work, and then coach the Community WOD.

What should I do? I’ll let all of you decide.

I’m a quitter.

July 25, 2012

For a slight change of pace, today’s blog is going to focus more on my coaching inabilities. You read that correctly: inabilities. More in a moment, so keep reading…

I started my morning by coaching the 6am session, and, as has become the norm, there were many in attendance. How many? Fourteen, including two visitors from Georgia, Dan and Karyn.

We started the day with Daft Punk on Pandora and some new or not frequently done activities, including duck walks, opposing arm swings, bear crawls, and one-legged holds – with eyes closed.

We reviewed proper form for dead-lifts, and then athletes attempted to complete 3 reps heaver than last week. I saw some impressive lifts, as well as some form breaks. (I won’t mention any names, Burt. Oh, wait, I just did.) I’m enjoying getting to know and coach some of the newbies, including Timmy (of course he’s first on my list!), Chad2 (I refer to Chad A as Chad1), Amy, Will, and Heather. I remember when I was just starting out, and how important is was for the coach to provide direction and support. I promise to continue to do so – if I continue coaching.

A strength I have when coaching is keeping control of the session. Even though there were many present, the metcon went smoothly.

Except, that is, for my lack of correct instruction for the plate burpees. Having done what were called plate burpees in the past, I instructed folks to do a burpee and then jump and land on the plate. Uhm, I was immediately corrected by the regulars who evidently had done plate burpees in the past. I have no recollection of having done so. Anyhow, you do a burpee, lift and press the plate overhead, bring the plate to the floor, lather, rinse, and repeat.

I should have tendered my resignation at the moment. I would have avoided the debacle that happened later. Let’s call that my first strike. Everyone knows that when you get three strikes, you’re out.

The metcon looked tough, and I tried my best to encourage people. Nonetheless, I asked for a show of hands at the end of the day for those present who thought I should be fired. All hands were raised. (This may or may not have happened.)

As I was unable to leave work in time to make it to the start of the 5:15 session, I decided that I would do the metcon when the 5:15ers, including Jeff, started, and dead-lifts afterwards.

Conditioning
4 Rounds for Total Reps
1 min Plate Burpees
1 min Toes-2-Bar
1 min Double Unders
1 min rest

I used a 45# plate and substituted toes through ring for toes to bar. Why, you ask? Because my damn left shoulder is hurting, just behind that bumpy thingy. Know what I mean? Ugh.

I had no other goal than to work continuously, and I did not achieve this goal. Whaaaaaat? I. Did not. Achieve. This goal.

Jeff and Brooke (read her blog!) have become BFFs, so I didn’t want to come between them. Jeff was to Brook’s right, and I was to her left.

The first round of plate burpees began, and it seemed as if everyone was going at the same pace, for I could hear the plates being placed (or dropped) on the floor. I think I completed 14 reps the first round, and I do believe that Brooke completed almost if not as many as I did. I completed the first round of toes through rings unbroken, although I can’t recall how many. My damn jump rope was tangled, and it took me a good 15 seconds to untangle. I also once again struggled getting double unders started. Once I did, I went on and on. I completed a total of 100 reps total for the first round.

Plate burpees went smoothly for the remainder of the rounds, and I completed a minimum of 12. My mistake was dropping from the rings – when I really didn’t need to do so. It was always a struggle to grasp the swinging rings.

Oh, as an aside, Paul A. was doing “Fran” and he was directly across from me during the first two rounds of the metcon. I was as focused on him as I was on my own performance, and there were many times when I had to keep myself from coaching.

As another aside, I shall not comment upon the Kristin-Thomas interactions. You two really need to get a room, albeit a room with a GHD machine.

Double unders went reasonably well the last three rounds.

I completed 100, 90, and 92 reps for a total of 382. (I can see you smirking now, Michael Kelley. You are an ass.)

Strength
Dead-lift
I’m frustrated. There, I said it. I lifted 225, 255, 275, and 315#. I attempted 325#, and failed. I lowered the weight to 320#, and failed again. I also realize that at this stage of my development my gains are going to be incremental and not exponential (as my gains were when I was beginning).

For whatever reason, I was compelled to offer to coach the 6:30 session metcon. I know not why. Michael Kelley, of course, quickly took me up on my offer. Imagine that.

There were at least three people present that I don’t recall coaching, although I might have done so during a Community WOD.

During the third round I said, “Write down your time and rest for a minute” – after toes to bar! Athletes were smart enough to correct me as they completed double unders.

That’s strike two.

One of the individuals that I know I haven’t coached before spent time at the beginning of the second round putting her hair up in a rubber band. “Well, then,” I thought, “that’s a waste of time.” She did the same thing at the start of the third round, and I said, “You need to spend less time fixing your hair and more time working.” Ouch. That must have hurt.

At the end of the WOD I saw her crying, and I think it’s safe to assume that it was caused by my harsh words. Let’s see, I have masters in Communication Studies with an emphasis in interpersonal communication, I’ve been a teacher/trainer for well over twenty-five years, and I’m a huge proponent of Situational Leadership. And I said, “You need to spend less time fixing your hair and more time working.”

Strike three. I’m out. Out, out, out.

I know that no one can make someone feel an emotion – it’s merely a reaction to something someone has said or done. In this particular instance what I said and did.

We’re starting Westside Barbell next week, yet I feel the overwhelming urge to take a one- or two-week hiatus from all things CrossFit.

Oh, earlier today Michael Kelley asked if I was a quitter. Uhm, I quit running races, and not just marathons but all races, about two years ago. So, yes, I’m a quitter.

True Story

July 17, 2012

Yesterday was, for lack of a better word, interesting. I now have more than 500 followers of this blog. Hi, followers! I like most of you.

There were quite a few responses to yesterday’s post. My good friend, Kelly, said that it was one of her favorite posts of mine. My good friend, Dave, said that I was welcome to train and coach at CFD.

Michael Kelley and I began our text exchange at 9:38 and ended our conversation about an hour later. It’s like (I’m making an analogy; thus the word “like”) I’m having an extramarital affair with him, as there is conflict, distrust, love, anger, betrayal, secrecy, miscommunication, hatred, tension, attraction, repulsion, the list goes on and on. In fact, our relationship has everything but sex. I don’t like fatties, so this is fine by me.

Sayeth Michael Kelley: It’s hard being your friend sometimes. Until that comment, I thought you weren’t that smart. I’m not saying you’re smart, I’m just saying that you’re smarter than I thought you were, Michael Kelley. If you were very smart you would have said: It’s hard being your friend all of the time.

I promised Michael Kelley that I would try to be sensitive to his feelings. I’ll try. I’m not saying I’ll try hard, I’m just saying I’ll try. Maybe.

I arrived at the box at 5:45. And then 16 more people arrived, including Michael Kelley. As more and more arrived, I was very tempted to just go the hell home, as there is a tipping point where there are just too many people present for me to work efficiently and effectively. It was one big hot mess. I, however, took control of the situation. Read on.

After working on mobility and going over power snatch form (more in a moment), Michael Kelley instructed us to partner or team up with one or two other people of similar height and strength. I was going to have none of that shit. I moved a mat outside (where it was much cooler), grabbed a bar, some plates, and two dumbbells (to prevent the bar from rolling away), and set up for presses. As my goal was to press 110# and I knew I could easily clean that weight, I decided to forgo the use of a rack. Michael Kelley noticed and said, “You need to be a team player. You can work out with ­­­______.” I said, “F&ck no. I’m going to compete as an individual and not part of a team, so I need not work out with anyone.” As I was pressing a warmup set of 95#, he closed the garage door. I continued to press. He opened the door as I was finishing the set. Burt said, “Paul would probably prefer if the door were kept closed.” I replied, “Yes, if someone would occasionally pass plates underneath the door.”

Strength
Press
15 minutes to work up to 4 sets of 5 reps, all at the same weight. Go heavier than last time.

I lifted 4 X 5 @ 110, 5# heavier than last week. Michael Kelley observed my third set. He didn’t say a word, so I asked, “How did they look?” “They looked good,” he replied. Oh, Michael Kelley, you’re soooo eloquent. I admire your expansive vocabulary.

Presses did feel good today. I focused on tightening my abs and ass, and was able to avoid overarching my back. I’m f&cking awesome. I mean I’m “good”.

Conditioning
AMRAP 12
50 Bar Hops
8 Power Snatch
7 Bar Muscle-Ups

I had no desire to complete bar muscle-ups today. I set up my bar outside with 80#. My biggest mistake today was not planning for transitions. For bar hops, the bar was placed vertically on the mat, but I had to change the bar to a horizontal placement for the power snatches, so as to keep the bar from rolling away. This was a pain in the ass. I completed all rounds of bar hops unbroken, as well I should, and perhaps should have increased the amount to 100. My first set of power snatches were a mess, as I was basically doing muscle snatches. They were so bad that Michael Kelley justifiably removed the 2, 2.5# plates from the bar. I am more than capable of power snatching 80# — if I use proper form. I completed the first round of 7 muscle-ups unbroken, and I believe this is the first time I’ve done this in a metcon.

For the second round of power snatches, I recalled something that Michael Kelley said during the warmup, “Wait until the bar reaches your forehead, and then drop under it.” That’s what I did for the second round, and completed the 8 power snatches, albeit @ 75#, unbroken. I was ecstatic! The second round of muscle-ups didn’t go as smoothly, as the clasps were digging into my arms. Ouch. Michael Kelley was kind enough to adjust. I then thought, “I’ve done far too many muscle-ups in the past couple of days. No more today. Don’t risk injury.”

During the third round of power snatches I called to Michael Kelley. He asked, “What do you need?” I said, “I need you to watch.” He did, and he said, “Much better. You still have a very nice ass.” He either said I had a nice ass or muted hips. I can’t recall exactly. Let’s go with nice ass.

I completed chest to bar pull-ups for the third and fourth rounds. While I didn’t complete the last round of pull-ups (my hands were so sweaty!) or power snatches unbroken, I was still cranking them out rather quickly.

As I began my last round of bar hops, Michael Kelley yelled, “Thirty seconds!” I kicked it up a notch, setting a goal to complete as many of the remaining 50 bar hops as I could. Uhm, I did about 2 a second, as Michael Kelley yelled, “Ten seconds!” just as I completed all 50. I quickly did one last power snatch and called it a day.

Total = 4 rounds + 50 bar hops + 1 power snatch

After the metcon, Michael Kelley was “stretching” like-minded Super Woman, Michelle. As she was lying (not laying) on the floor, I hovered over her and said, “Michelle, the next time you see Michael Kelley tell him that, although he shouldn’t take full credit for this and start to talk about how wonderful he is, his suggestion to drop under the bar when it was as high as my forehead really helped with power snatches. It was a breakthrough. Tell him, though, that merely saying ‘Your hips are muted’ doesn’t really tell me much. When he coaches, he shouldn’t focus on what I’m doing incorrectly, but should instead give me a vocal cue to remind me how to do the movement correctly.” I heard an annoying, nasal, girlie voice say, “You’re a coach, you should know what to do.” I said, “Michelle, tell Michael Kelley that it’s difficult enough to do a met-con without having to think about ways to improve one’s performance. Coaches should be able to help people with this, and not expect them to be able to process that information while lifting heavy shit.” “Okay,” said Michelle, “I’ll tell him the next time I see him.” Thanks, Michelle!

It’s my blog, remember? Don’t be offended. I am so very sick and tired of almost everyone talking about Whole30 and food choices. As folks were doing accessory work (I opted out), I said very loudly, “Did you all hear about someone putting tacks on the road this past Saturday on the Tour? About 30 bikers had flats, if I recall. And what about the situation in Syria? That’s tragic. See, we can talk about other topics than just food and diets.”

Wait, there’s more? Hell, yes. I talked Jeff into attending the 6:30pm session. He did today’s and I did tomorrow’s WOD. This meant I had two, count them, two opportunities to be observed by Mike. Michael. MK. Michael Kelley. Yeah, that last one feels right.

I warmed up on my own, and then did 6 x 10 fast GHD sit-ups, working on explosiveness. For a change of pace, I rested the top of my hands on the floor at the bottom of each rep.

Oh, I wore new shoes that I purchased for a whopping $17.

Strength
Dead-lifts
Work up to a set of 3 reps heavier than last week

I heart dead-lifting, I really do, but my confidence has been shaken as of late. I wrote in my notebook the following weights: 200, 255, 285, & 305#, 305 being 5# more than last week. For whatever reason, I started with 225 instead of 200#. Oh, well. I didn’t use mixed-grip until the last two sets. While 285# felt heavy, it was manageable. I thought, “Why the hell not at least attempt 315 instead of 305? If you can’t lift it, you can go lighter.” I attempted 315. I got it just below my knees – and then dropped it. Michael Kelley was observing, and said, “Blah blah blah it’s all in your head blah blah just go up to the bar blah blah blah pump yourself up blah blah once you get the first one the next two are easy blah blah you’re spending five minutes setting up blah blah blah blah blah.” Something that he said stuck, because I was able to successfully lift 315# three times. I knew that he was longingly watching me out of the corner of his eyes.

It was nice to coach Jeff between reps as he did press. Jeff, remember to rest with the bar overhead, take a deep breath, and then down and right back up.

Conditioning
1210-minute AMRAP
10-20-10m shuttle run
10 burpees

I had originally planned on going for 12 minutes, as that was the time on the clock for today’s scheduled WOD. My goal was, as could be expected, to do all rounds unbroken.

This is my kind of metcon. That being said, it was tough. So tough, in fact, that I got side stitches about 3 minutes into it. With 7 of the 12 minutes remaining, I told myself that if I continued to do all rounds unbroken that I could stop at 10 minutes. I needed this motivation, as I’m confident that I would have completed the same number of rounds in 12 minutes that I did in 10, as I would most certainly have rested during rounds of 10 burpees.

It’s amazing how many thoughts run through my mind during a metcon like this. Why does running hurt do badly? Oh, because you’re out of breath after burpees. And it’s 97 degrees. And running in the sun. It may be, too, that since you’re not coaching endurance and running with athletes that you’re losing some of that conditioning. Should I coach endurance again? If so, at CFD or CFZ? If I do, it must be focused solely on running, and be programmed for 3 months at a time. Oh, shit, more burpees. Wait, I love burpees!

I finished strong, and my last set of burpees was my fastest. I completed 9 rounds + 70m (10, 20, and half of 10m shuttle). Go ahead, bitches, gloat if you beat that score tomorrow. I care naught. Bitches.

I wore running shorts this evening, and Lauren asked if I only wore them when I worked out in the evenings. Yes, Lauren. Be sure to tell Michelle!

As of today, I have retired the phrase “True story”.

I often say “I hate Michael Kelley”. I don’t, however, say, “I hate you, Michael Kelley”. If I ever do, you’ll know that it’s the end of our affair.

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Luke is the best coach ever.

July 11, 2012

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Who the hell awakens at 3:45am? That’d be me. And I have no idea why, so don’t even ask. I can’t even blame it on the cats!

I spread almost 30 bags of mulch yesterday evening; thus, I had planned on only coaching this morning and then working out this evening. As I couldn’t go back to sleep, I got my sorry ass out of bed and went to the box. Luke was in tow, as he got to spend the day at Doggie Village. He loves Doggie Village, and I do, too!

Mobility, blah, blah, blah. Luke really wanted to play with Michael Kelley’s balls (okay, two Lacrosse balls taped together), so I let him. He slobbered all of them, chewed them, and then asked me to throw them against the wall. I did. Repeatedly.

Strength
Dead-lifts
Warm up and then work up to set of 3 (heavier than last week)

Last week was quite disastrous, and I didn’t want to repeat the same mistakes. I warmed up with 135, and then did sets of 3 reps @ 185, 245, 280, & 300#. I attempted 310#, but just wasn’t feeling it this morning. It was just so damned early! It was nice, nonetheless, having Luke with me, as he provided much more direction and support than Michael Kelley typically does. And his breath smells better. They both lick their balls, though. That’s not entirely true, as neither of them have any balls (Luke literally and Michael Kelley figuratively).

Burt had arrived extra early, just so he could like, you know, spend some like time with me. I like Burt, so I certainly didn’t mind.

Glute Bridges
3 sets of maximum reps with 1 minute rest in between sets

To the best of my recollection, we haven’t done glute bridges before. I made sure to watch many soft core porn videos on YouTube. I also exchanged sexts with Michael Kelley last night, and he requested that I inform athletes that they could complete bridges using bar and plates. I did just that, using 65 for first and 75# for remaining two rounds. While challenging, it was easier than I thought it was going to be, and I probably should’ve gone heavier. I completed 29, 32, & 34 for a total of 95 reps. I am coretastic. Abtabulous. Abdominalicious.

I enjoy coaching most days, but I particularly enjoyed doing so today. I don’t know why, so don’t ask me. Everyone was on fire today, particularly Claire who showed significant improvement with dead-lift form, and Thomas who had impeccable pushup bra form. (I think Thomas thrives on positive reinforcement, even the smallest amount. With just a little push, he excels. Yes, I’m complimenting you, Thomas, but I’ve included the comment in parentheses—and we all know what that means.)

Other comments: Lauren, replace that frown with a smile; Michelle, your chest did touch the floor; Claire, Michelle, and John you were the most consistent throughout the metcon; Alex, you showed the most improvement with pushups; Burt, that was Rx+, as you added a down dog between pushups; keep a neutral neck, Chad. (I already complimented you, Thomas. Don’t get greedy.)

I completed a slightly modified metcon after I dropped off Luke.

Conditioning
10-min AMRAP
10 sumo dead-lifts (50% of 3RM; thus 150#)
10 pushups paralette pass throughs

My goal was to complete all sumo dead-lifts unbroken, and I achieved that goal. Paralette pass throughs were particularly challenging today, probably because I did negative pushups yesterday. I completed the first 3 rounds unbroken, and remaining rounds in reps of no less than 3.

Total = 6 rounds + 10 sumo dead-lifts + 4 pass throughs

I give this WOD a solid 8.

Run, Paul!

June 20, 2012

I was awakened at 3:47am by the sound of Meg opening the dresser drawers – all eight of them. Damn cat. As I had planned on getting out of bed by 4, I wasn’t all that upset with her. Good kitty!

I’m in far less of a foul mood than I was yesterday, but still feeling somewhat out of sorts. I’m hoping my business trip to NJ next and personal trip to mother’s the following week will help me get over my funk.

Back to today… I arrived at CFZ at 4:50, and spent 20 minutes on mobility.

Strength
Dead-lifts

 I completed two warm up sets of 5 reps @ 135, 185, and 225#. Uhm, we were supposed to do 3×3 @ 75% of 3RM but I had in my mind 1×5 – so that’s what I did, 5 reps @ 240#. I recorded and reviewed all lifts, and my form was good. That is all.

No kettle bell swings for me today. I did try a few, but as I shouldn’t go heavy I didn’t think it useful to do 30 reps at a lower weight.

I had planned on doing burpee pull-ups, but changed my mind at the last minute and instead did the following:

18-minute AMRAP
200m run
10 plyo (clapping) pushups

My goal was to make it through a minimum of 10 rounds of plyo pushups without breaking plank, i.e., without lowering knees to the floor, and to indeed clap my hands together for each and every rep. I exceeded this goal in that I completed 10 rounds of plyo pushups unbroken, i.e., without pausing between any reps. I did, however, pause during the last few reps of the last rounds. And that’s okay.

This was a very fun and challenging met-con. I kept up intensity during running, not allowing myself to slow down and use the run for active recovery. During about the seventh round of plyo pushups I sensed that I might not make it to 10 reps without having to put my knees down. I reminded myself, “Tight abs, tight ass!” That did the trick! Coach, coach thyself. As folks arrived, I asked Lauren to keep track of the diminishing time. Thomas did so instead. I heard him yell, “Four minutes!” and I replied, “You’re not Lauren!” Thanks for counting down, Thomas. Next time don’t cheer for me. You sound too much like your brother when you do.

I completed 12 rounds + 200m & 6 pushups; 2600m (1.6 mi) run and 126 plyo pushups.

I was a sweaty mess, and had but 3 minutes to spare before 6am session began. We began with 5 minutes of yoga stretching, including pigeon stretches, and then did an additional 10 minutes of mobility. Good times, good times.

I recorded most everyone as they did one of their last sets of dead-lifts, so they could see why I was provided the specific feedback I provided.

Prior to 3 rounds of 30 KB swings, we spent 5 minutes on partner mobility. I shall never forget a certain someone saying, in essence, “Paul, do my daughter.” Hahahaha! We finished the day with 3 minutes of practicing double unders. Slow is fast, listen to your feet, establish a rhythm, and (perhaps most importantly) relax. I’m talking to you in particular, Burt.


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