It’s been two days since I blogged. Did you think I had gone on sabbatical? I did work out yesterday, but didn’t have an opportunity (or the desire) to post.
As many readers know, I’ve been once again suffering from nosebleeds. I was hoping beyond hope that, you know, the nosebleeds would just stop. No such luck. As Tuesday’s nosebleed was so intense and because the repeated occurrences had the potential to impact so many other things in my life, I finally saw an ENT doctor yesterday afternoon. He confirmed what I suspected: I had to have my left nostril cauterized.
I had this procedure performed at almost this same time — to the day — lat year, although I honestly thought my right nostril had been cauterized. It appears that last year’s procedure didn’t “cover” all of the problem areas. The doctor informed me that he would indeed “cover” everything.
The doctor stuffed a cotton swab covered in a topical anesthetic in my left nostril, and then once my nose (and front teeth) was numb, he injected yet another anesthetic. He then used forceps to spread open my nostril and he then went to town. He said, “This will take 30 seconds.” I counted down from 30. He pulled out what I can only describe as a soldering iron and said, “Let’s do another 30 seconds just to be sure.” I clenched my teeth and began to sweat. He once again pulled out the soldering iron and said, “One last time. This will just last 30 seconds.” I thought I might pass out. It felt like he had a pickaxe up my nose, and that one slip of the hand would result in a pickaxe to the brain.
I have a massive blot clot in my nostril, and I so very much want to blow my nose. Alas, I may not do so.
Oh, you want to know about yesterday’s workout? Fine, then. I attempted a low bar back squat 1RM and failed. I matched previous PR of 235, but had 2 failed attempts at 240#. I was feeling incredibly weak. Let’s see… massive blood loss, a 16-hour workday the prior day, and 4 hours of sleep. I suppose I have a legitimate excuse. Yes?
Next up was weighted pull-ups, and I haven’t attempted these in quite some time. Using my weight vest, I did single reps at 30, 40, 45, & 55#. Then, while still wearing 55# weight vest, I strapped a belt around my waist and attached kettle bells and/or plates and did single reps at 63 and 68#. I attempted a pull-up at 78 and failed, so I lowered weight to 75.5# and barely got my chin over the bar. Thus, I pulled-up 220.5#. (Burt, I weigh 145#.)
I had no interest in doing 100 burpees as, in all honesty, I don’t find doing so the least bit challenging. I instead created this metcon:
15-minute AMRAP
1 burpee
1 bodyweight dead-lift (Burt, I weigh 145#.)
1 linear jump over bar
1 burpee – from where feet land after jump
1 chest to bar pull-up – from where feet land after burpee, i.e., a jump to the bar and then do a chest to bar pull-up
1 burpee after dropping from bar and turning around
1 broad jump over bar – from where feet land after burpee
Sound confusing? It wasn’t. I used chips to keep track of rounds, and kept track in rounds of 5. I kept a steady pace from start to finish, and completed 40 rounds + 1 burpee and 1 dead-lift. That’s 81 burpees, 41 dead-lifts, and 40 linear jumps, broad jumps over the bar, and chest to bar pull-ups. I was a sweaty, happy mess.
I had intended on doing a double, but I had my left nostril cauterized instead. See above.
I did, however, attend the Zeal Meal in celebration of Johanna’s birthday! The best part of the celebration was that I got to sit between Nicole Cox and Nathanael. Unfortunately, my BFF was seated at the far end of the table, and I didn’t get to spend much time with him. A group of us, not including my BFF, had an ice cream at Coldstone Creamery afterwards. As I was enjoying my salted caramel and chocolate ice cream, my BFF began texting me.
MK: U home
PP: Homo but no home.
MK: R u DVRing Glee
PP: Yes. U r welcome 2 come 2 house & watch 2nite or this weekend.
MK: 2 nite!
Notice that my BFF did not use punctuation until that very last text. We did enjoy last night’s Britney 2.0 episode. We didn’t, even though he promised to do so, spoon while watching said episode. My BFF can be such a tease.
I arrived at CFZ at 5:30 this morning to coach the 6am and attend the 7:15am session. I’m trying not to be “That Yoga Coach” so today’s warmup consisted of lots of squatting, kettle bell swinging, and upside-down hanging. Yes, there was a large crowd in attendance, and I’ve become quite adept and crowd control. Get your own damn bar, bitches, as you’ll need it for the metcon!
Dynamic Effort Lower
Low Bar Back Squat, 10×2 @ 70%, 45 sec rest
There were only four in attendance at the 7:15 session this morning, including yours truly, Travis, Johanna, and Heather. I don’t like anything pumpkin-flavored except pumpkin pie. I lifted 165# and lifts felt solid – as well as heavy.
Deficit Dead-lift, 8×1 @ 50% + Band, 30 sec rest
Yeah, I know we’re supposed to lift 50% of 1RM, but I chose to go heavier. I settled on 205#, a bit more than 60% of 1RM. I used a blue band and a 4” deficit. Just as we were beginning, I realized that I was still wearing my weightlifting shoes. Thus, the deficit was closer to the length of Michael Kelley’s penis 5”. Wearing weightlifting shoes while doing dead-lifts felt peculiar, and certainly added an extra challenge. Lifts felt solid.
Conditioning
3 Cleans (full squat) On The Minute x 8 Minutes @ 65%
1 min Rest
1 min max Cleans (full squat) @ 65%, immediately followed by:
2 min Max Double Unders Later Bar Hops
I am genuinely enjoying full squat cleans. Huh? When the hell did that happen? As my current 1RM is 160#, I put 105# on the bar – but I had 2, 2.5 plates at the ready. As the first 2 rounds felt good, I increased the weight to 110# for the remaining rounds, and perhaps should have gone to 115#. I focused on form, form, and form, particularly opening my hips and not pulling with my arms.
I continued to wear my weightlifting shoes, and then quickly changed into 150s during the rest time. I completed 9 full squat cleans during the max rep minute.
I was concerned that jumping rope would exacerbate my nose issues. My BFF suggested burpees, but just before the start of the last two minutes I decided to do lateral bar hops. This also meant that I had to very quickly determine a goal, and it was to do lateral bar hops in reps of 25 and to complete as many lateral hops the second minute as I completed in the first. I completed 75 just as my BFF said, “One minute.” I completed 88 in the remaining mute, for a total of 163 lateral bar hops.
I worked out again this evening, as my soon-to-be former BFF led the 5:15pm session. I first focused on core.
Toes to bar
5 sets of unbroken max reps
I completed sets of 20, 15, 11, 10, & 1o reps
Russian twists
I completed 2 sets of 25 reps holding 25 and 35# plates, and 5 sets of 10 reps holding 45# plate.
Pull-ups
3 sets of unbroken max reps
I completed reps of 26, 15, & 9.
I was getting tired, but I wanted to try that damn metcon with 115#, so that’s what I did.
The box was crowded, and I was originally stationed between Ines and Kristin. I said, “Kristin, I’m likely to fall on my ass, so would you mind switching places with me?” You kindly agreed to do so.
And I did fall on the second clean attempt! Nicole said, “You just wanted to show us how to fall on our asses, right?” She’s as smart as she is pretty.
I had planned on stopping after 8 minutes of cleans, but I was feeling very strong, so at the last minute I did 1 minute of max reps of cleans — and once again completed 9 reps. I thought, “Well, then, try to do more lateral hops.” And that’s what I did, completing 165.
As I was directly facing Kristin, I couldn’t help but provide some coaching, including the importance of keeping the bar close to the body and looking at a spot on the wall in front of you when cleaning.
We were having much fun, and at one point she called me a bitch. I said, “I’m telling Thomas that you called me a ‘bitch’. He’d better send you a text telling you not to do that. He’d better stick up for me, as I can’t stick up for myself.”
Insiders know this story. Thomas then later said that he doesn’t compare himself to me. “I know,” I said, “because you can’t compare to me.” I then starting singing my own version of Sinead O’Connor’s song.
