I think it’d be a great idea if Michael Kelley coached every session at CFZ. Don’t you? I thought so. I may be kind and continue to coach the Community WOD. I’m just that nice.
This was the first time Michael Kelley coached the 6am Wednesday session since I began doing so, and I rather liked it. I am supposed to coach the 6am Friday session, but I’m starting to feel under the weather – and it’s only Wednesday. I’ll likely attend the Friday session, i.e., I’ll be well enough to attend but not well enough to coach.
I enjoyed today’s WOD if for no other reason that Michael Kelley’s coaching abilities far exceed my own. We began with a 400m run while holding 2.5 or 5# plates in both hands. Yes, I used 5# plates. Michael Kelley instructed us to “be aggressive” with our arms, and I was. Be aggressive. Be, be aggressive. P-O-T-O-R-T-I, that’s the way you spell “success”.
We next completed 3 rounds of 1-minute “walking” planks. Ready? And, go! Start in plank position. Lower right and then left forearms to floor, raise right and then left forearms to plank. Lower left and then right forearms to floor, raise left and right forearms to plank. Lather, rinse, repeat. We were to hold plank 15 seconds between rounds. I completed exactly 24 reps each round for a total of 72 reps. I held the plank between the 1st and 2nd rounds, and briefly went into child’s pose between the 2nd and last round. What I did not do, however, was place a yoga mat on the floor and my elbows be all to’ up, yo.
Maximum Effort UPPER (Why uppercase, Michael Kelley? There’s no need to shout.)
Floor Press 1RM
I had the bad good misfortune to work with Michael Kelley’s not-identical-in-any-way-imaginable fraternal twin brother, Thomas. Thomas reminds me of Dudley Do-Right, the Canadian Mountie. (This clip in particular.)
As the bar racks were positioned close to the floor, quite a few folks had a difficult time setting up the racks so that they were parallel to the floor. Michael Kelley said, “The holes are so close together that it’s easy to put it in the wrong one.” This made me giggle like a schoolgirl.
I completed warm up sets, and then singles @ 130, 150, 150, 170, and 175#. As this is the first time we’ve done floor bench presses, this is a 1RM. As I often do, I’ll compare to my bodyweight: 175# is 120% of my bodyweight. (Burt, I weight 145#.) I did instinctively arch my back and lift my hips off o’ da flo’ during last two reps. I enjoy walking through spider webs.
A1) Bradford Press, 5×5, up to heaviest weight
A2) Underhand Barbell Bent-over Row, 5xMax, weight from A1
Rest 30-45 seconds
You will perform 5 reps of the Bradford Press. Immediately following, perform as many bent-over rows* as possible with the same weight (*stop just shy of failure). (Unnecessary use of parenthesis, Michael Kelley. Also, can you correctly pronounce “asterisk”? I didn’t think so.)
My goal was to indeed go heavy or go home, and I completed sets of 5 reps @ 45, 75, 85, 90, and 95#. As the heaviest weight I’ve used for Bradford presses has been 65#, this was most definitely a PR. As we were instructed to do no more than 20 bent-over rows, I completed exactly that amount for each set. You do the math. I made sure to activate my shoulders, set my back, stare at Alex the wall in front of me, and complete the reps as fast I could while still maintaining proper form. Did you?
1 Power Clean, 85% 1RM Clean
5 Pull-Ups, add weight if necessary
11 Kettle Bell Swings
When is adding weight ever “necessary” for pull-ups?
Again, my goal was to go heavy or go home. I almost chose to go home.
While not advertised, this was yet another birthday WOD, as CJ turned 17 today. Do the math: 1+5+11=17. I shall make no additional disparaging comments about birthday WODs. I clip my fingernails to the quick, and do so two to three times a week.
Eighty-five percent of 160 is 136, so I put 2, 45# plates on the bar. I used a 25# dumbbell for pull-ups, and the 60# kettle bell for swings.
Uhm, I’ve done a lot of f@cking cleans as of late. Uhm, 135 is 93% of my bodyweight. Uhm, Zac has taken to letting me know that’s he hungry by pushing his food bowl off of the top of the washing machine so that it makes a loud crashing sound when it falls to the floor. He did this at 4am.
Michael Kelley suggested that we hold the dumbbell between our thighs while doing pull-ups. I attempted, but was unable to keep the dumbbell secure. I said, “Not all of us have fat thighs like the Kelley boys.” Not many of us do.
I successfully completed the first power clean, walked to the pull-up rig while attempting to avoid running into passersby that were, well, running, put the dumbbell between my feet, and did 5 pull-ups. I casually walked to the kettle bell and completed 11 unbroken American swings. I completed all swings unbroken for the remainder of the rounds.
I failed at my first attempt at a power clean for the second round. I failed at my second attempt. And my third. And my fourth. Why? Because I was all up inside my head, yo. Michael Kelley was watching my ass and said, “Do you want me to lower the weight?” I looked at him, smiled, and said, “No.” I walked up to the bar and successfully completed a power clean. Michael Kelley then said, “You make it look easy when you get it.” After completing the second round of unbroken pull-ups and while walking to my kettle bell I noticed that Chad (chiropractor extraordinaire yet not at all fashionable dresser) had his ankles crossed. I said, “Chad, uncross your ankles.” I then noticed that his ankles were crossed so that he could more successfully hold the dumbbell between his thighs. I said, “Forget what I just said, Chad. That’s a great idea!”
I successfully completed remainder of power cleans on the first attempt. I was no longer all up inside my head, yo. I completed remaining rounds of pull-ups in reps of 3 and 2, holding the dumbbell between my thighs and crossing my ankles. I know I probably shouldn’t have done that, as it’s a very good way to break an ankle. Or a cankle, if you’re Michael Kelley.
I completed 5 rounds.
I truly enjoyed this metcon, as it was very challenging. Believe it or not, folks, I don’t always set my goal to crush all of you – even if I do so on a consistent basis. My goals are to get stronger, fitter, faster, and as awesome as I can possibly be. I have accomplished one of these goals. The last one.
This metcon was so heavy that I suggested it be named “Michael Kelley.”
I did accessory work this evening. As my new Lululemon Response shorts arrived in the mail today, I made sure to wear them tonight! No, the picture isn’t of yours truly, as I don’t shave my chest. Yet.
Sled pulls and banded dumbbell bench presses
3 x 60m sprints forward then backward with a minute rest between pulls
I put 100# on that damn sled and “ran” as fast as I could. I say ran, because it never got much faster than a somewhat fast walk. Regardless, this was tough, I tell you. Tough.
Michael Kelley has determined that my weakness is my chest, and he’d like me to have boobies. At his direction, I completed banded dumbbell bench presses after rounds of sled pulls. I used 25# dumbbells and an orange band for the first round. As I completed 25 reps, Michael Kelley insisted that I use a red band for remaining rounds and I did so, completing 15 reps the remaining two rounds. When relieving myself while at work, I always use the urinal to the left.
5 x 20, with 1 second pause at top of each rep
I finished rounds as Jeff and his peeps were doing the metcon. Jeff has really gotten strong! It took me nine months to learn how to kip, but it only took him about three months to learn how to do so. Granted his weight was lighter for cleans and kettle bell swings, but he nonetheless completed 7 rounds!
Uhm, yeah, so I like completely forgot to put away my sled and weights. Jeff and Michael Kelley were kind enough to do so, so no 100 burpee penalty for me!