No, Thomas and Michael Kelley, the title of this blog does not refer to the two of you. Tied-for-my-favorite-person-in-the-whole-wide-world Claire and I both wore our CrossFit Invoke shirts today! Claire was the first to notice. She smiled at me, pointed to her shirt, and exclaimed, “Twinsies!” The only reason I like Alex is because he’s dating Claire.
I think I might be allergic to facial hair. Not my own, but Michael Kelley’s. I’m congested and my throat is somewhat raw. He needs to spend less time shaving his back, sack, and crack – and chest – and more time shaving his face. He is also in desperate need of a haircut. And he listens to country music.
While warming up, Amy (I think she’s a PT) asked, “Do you think it would be okay if I showed you and Michael Kelley some mobility exercises we can use?” I replied, “You’ll have to talk with Michael Kelley, as I’m no longer going to be coaching here.”
Speaking of Michael Kelley, he saved himself from the full brunt of my wrath this morning. Here’s what happened…
I planned on doing sled pulls, and he damn well knew that. I looked for the sled, but it was nowhere to be found. I asked, “Where’s the sled, Michael Kelley?” “Oh, that’s right. Paul A. has it,” he replied. Paul A. has a friend who is a welder who is going to make some sleds for CFZ. “I’m going home, then. Better still, if I leave right now I can make it to CrossFit Durham.” “Wait, wait,” he squealed, “I have an idea.” He grabbed the lid to a large garbage can, a 35# plate, and the sled strap. He threaded the strap through the plate, placed the plate inside the upside down lid that was on the pavement, and said, “Give it a try.” I did, and it worked. You’re a genius, Michael Kelley; a fat genius, but a genius nonetheless.
Wait, I take that back. Not the part about you being fat, just the part about you being a genius. I said, “That’s fine, but I need one hundred pounds.” He placed another 35 and a 25 plate on top of the 35# plate. Uhm, that’s only 95#, Michael Kelley. I came to my own rescue and placed a 5# plate on top of the stack.
I completed 3 x 3 different types of pulls.
Dead-lift pull. I had to be very careful of my hand placement for this one.
Quite a few times a rock got stuck under the lid, and this made the pulls just a bit more challenging. And that’s okay.
Thanks for taking the pictures, Burt!
No matter how easy the first pull feels, all pulls get progressively more challenging. I did focus on a quick turnaround as well as fast transitions.
This is what the lid looked like when I was done.
I then completed 4 x 25 GHD sit-ups and back extensions, alternating between the two skills. Having done this just Monday, I knew what to expect. My goal was to do 3 of the 4 sets unbroken. Instead, I did all of the sets unbroken. It may have been because Michelle was nearby, and she gives off good mojo. I may have been because Michael Kelley was nearby, and the gravitational pull of his ass helped to ensure full range of motion.
Michelle noted that I was full of piss and vinegar this morning. Perhaps I was…
I was talking trash about Michael Kelley to Michelle when he said, “I don’t listen to anything you say, Paul.” I said, “Michelle, he listens to every word I say.” She nodded her head in agreement. “His ears are as big as his ass,” I commented.
As folks began to set up for the metcon, I said, “This looks fun. Too bad I’m not doing it.” Michael Kelley replied, “You’re not doing the metcon?” “No,” I said, “I haven’t had a day of rest since a week ago Wednesday. Today was just accessories.” He seemed genuinely disappointed, and I think I might know why…
I think Michael Kelley would rather I do the metcon with the group than interfere with his coaching like I did today. As I’ve stated repeatedly, I have a very difficult time not coaching when the opportunity presents itself. Thus, when the 6amers began the metcon, I almost immediately began offering direction and support. “Woody, no need to hold the kettle bell over your head, and be sure you stand up on the top of the box. Jeff, use your hips for kettle bell swings. Amy, full extension at the top of the box. Lauren, what exactly are you doing over there? John, your presses are exceedingly fast! Michelle and Claire, you are both awesome and can do no wrong!”
My coaching style is different from Michael Kelley’s in that I observe and loudly shout direction and/or support whereas he observes (when he’s not texting, biting his nails, or adjusting his junk) and more quietly and less frequently offers direction and support. That doesn’t mean my style is better than his or vice versa, we just have different styles.
During the metcon Michael Kelley approached me and said, “You should always work out at 5 so that we can coach the 6am class together.”
Not gonna happen, Michael Kelley. Not gonna happen.
I rescued a turtle.