Yesterday was, for lack of a better word, interesting. I now have more than 500 followers of this blog. Hi, followers! I like most of you.
There were quite a few responses to yesterday’s post. My good friend, Kelly, said that it was one of her favorite posts of mine. My good friend, Dave, said that I was welcome to train and coach at CFD.
Michael Kelley and I began our text exchange at 9:38 and ended our conversation about an hour later. It’s like (I’m making an analogy; thus the word “like”) I’m having an extramarital affair with him, as there is conflict, distrust, love, anger, betrayal, secrecy, miscommunication, hatred, tension, attraction, repulsion, the list goes on and on. In fact, our relationship has everything but sex. I don’t like fatties, so this is fine by me.
Sayeth Michael Kelley: It’s hard being your friend sometimes. Until that comment, I thought you weren’t that smart. I’m not saying you’re smart, I’m just saying that you’re smarter than I thought you were, Michael Kelley. If you were very smart you would have said: It’s hard being your friend all of the time.
I promised Michael Kelley that I would try to be sensitive to his feelings. I’ll try. I’m not saying I’ll try hard, I’m just saying I’ll try. Maybe.
I arrived at the box at 5:45. And then 16 more people arrived, including Michael Kelley. As more and more arrived, I was very tempted to just go the hell home, as there is a tipping point where there are just too many people present for me to work efficiently and effectively. It was one big hot mess. I, however, took control of the situation. Read on.
After working on mobility and going over power snatch form (more in a moment), Michael Kelley instructed us to partner or team up with one or two other people of similar height and strength. I was going to have none of that shit. I moved a mat outside (where it was much cooler), grabbed a bar, some plates, and two dumbbells (to prevent the bar from rolling away), and set up for presses. As my goal was to press 110# and I knew I could easily clean that weight, I decided to forgo the use of a rack. Michael Kelley noticed and said, “You need to be a team player. You can work out with ______.” I said, “F&ck no. I’m going to compete as an individual and not part of a team, so I need not work out with anyone.” As I was pressing a warmup set of 95#, he closed the garage door. I continued to press. He opened the door as I was finishing the set. Burt said, “Paul would probably prefer if the door were kept closed.” I replied, “Yes, if someone would occasionally pass plates underneath the door.”
15 minutes to work up to 4 sets of 5 reps, all at the same weight. Go heavier than last time.
I lifted 4 X 5 @ 110, 5# heavier than last week. Michael Kelley observed my third set. He didn’t say a word, so I asked, “How did they look?” “They looked good,” he replied. Oh, Michael Kelley, you’re soooo eloquent. I admire your expansive vocabulary.
Presses did feel good today. I focused on tightening my abs and ass, and was able to avoid overarching my back. I’m f&cking awesome. I mean I’m “good”.
50 Bar Hops
8 Power Snatch
7 Bar Muscle-Ups
I had no desire to complete bar muscle-ups today. I set up my bar outside with 80#. My biggest mistake today was not planning for transitions. For bar hops, the bar was placed vertically on the mat, but I had to change the bar to a horizontal placement for the power snatches, so as to keep the bar from rolling away. This was a pain in the ass. I completed all rounds of bar hops unbroken, as well I should, and perhaps should have increased the amount to 100. My first set of power snatches were a mess, as I was basically doing muscle snatches. They were so bad that Michael Kelley justifiably removed the 2, 2.5# plates from the bar. I am more than capable of power snatching 80# — if I use proper form. I completed the first round of 7 muscle-ups unbroken, and I believe this is the first time I’ve done this in a metcon.
For the second round of power snatches, I recalled something that Michael Kelley said during the warmup, “Wait until the bar reaches your forehead, and then drop under it.” That’s what I did for the second round, and completed the 8 power snatches, albeit @ 75#, unbroken. I was ecstatic! The second round of muscle-ups didn’t go as smoothly, as the clasps were digging into my arms. Ouch. Michael Kelley was kind enough to adjust. I then thought, “I’ve done far too many muscle-ups in the past couple of days. No more today. Don’t risk injury.”
During the third round of power snatches I called to Michael Kelley. He asked, “What do you need?” I said, “I need you to watch.” He did, and he said, “Much better. You still have a very nice ass.” He either said I had a nice ass or muted hips. I can’t recall exactly. Let’s go with nice ass.
I completed chest to bar pull-ups for the third and fourth rounds. While I didn’t complete the last round of pull-ups (my hands were so sweaty!) or power snatches unbroken, I was still cranking them out rather quickly.
As I began my last round of bar hops, Michael Kelley yelled, “Thirty seconds!” I kicked it up a notch, setting a goal to complete as many of the remaining 50 bar hops as I could. Uhm, I did about 2 a second, as Michael Kelley yelled, “Ten seconds!” just as I completed all 50. I quickly did one last power snatch and called it a day.
Total = 4 rounds + 50 bar hops + 1 power snatch
After the metcon, Michael Kelley was “stretching” like-minded Super Woman, Michelle. As she was lying (not laying) on the floor, I hovered over her and said, “Michelle, the next time you see Michael Kelley tell him that, although he shouldn’t take full credit for this and start to talk about how wonderful he is, his suggestion to drop under the bar when it was as high as my forehead really helped with power snatches. It was a breakthrough. Tell him, though, that merely saying ‘Your hips are muted’ doesn’t really tell me much. When he coaches, he shouldn’t focus on what I’m doing incorrectly, but should instead give me a vocal cue to remind me how to do the movement correctly.” I heard an annoying, nasal, girlie voice say, “You’re a coach, you should know what to do.” I said, “Michelle, tell Michael Kelley that it’s difficult enough to do a met-con without having to think about ways to improve one’s performance. Coaches should be able to help people with this, and not expect them to be able to process that information while lifting heavy shit.” “Okay,” said Michelle, “I’ll tell him the next time I see him.” Thanks, Michelle!
It’s my blog, remember? Don’t be offended. I am so very sick and tired of almost everyone talking about Whole30 and food choices. As folks were doing accessory work (I opted out), I said very loudly, “Did you all hear about someone putting tacks on the road this past Saturday on the Tour? About 30 bikers had flats, if I recall. And what about the situation in Syria? That’s tragic. See, we can talk about other topics than just food and diets.”
Wait, there’s more? Hell, yes. I talked Jeff into attending the 6:30pm session. He did today’s and I did tomorrow’s WOD. This meant I had two, count them, two opportunities to be observed by Mike. Michael. MK. Michael Kelley. Yeah, that last one feels right.
I warmed up on my own, and then did 6 x 10 fast GHD sit-ups, working on explosiveness. For a change of pace, I rested the top of my hands on the floor at the bottom of each rep.
Oh, I wore new shoes that I purchased for a whopping $17.
Work up to a set of 3 reps heavier than last week
I heart dead-lifting, I really do, but my confidence has been shaken as of late. I wrote in my notebook the following weights: 200, 255, 285, & 305#, 305 being 5# more than last week. For whatever reason, I started with 225 instead of 200#. Oh, well. I didn’t use mixed-grip until the last two sets. While 285# felt heavy, it was manageable. I thought, “Why the hell not at least attempt 315 instead of 305? If you can’t lift it, you can go lighter.” I attempted 315. I got it just below my knees – and then dropped it. Michael Kelley was observing, and said, “Blah blah blah it’s all in your head blah blah just go up to the bar blah blah blah pump yourself up blah blah once you get the first one the next two are easy blah blah you’re spending five minutes setting up blah blah blah blah blah.” Something that he said stuck, because I was able to successfully lift 315# three times. I knew that he was longingly watching me out of the corner of his eyes.
It was nice to coach Jeff between reps as he did press. Jeff, remember to rest with the bar overhead, take a deep breath, and then down and right back up.
10-20-10m shuttle run
I had originally planned on going for 12 minutes, as that was the time on the clock for today’s scheduled WOD. My goal was, as could be expected, to do all rounds unbroken.
This is my kind of metcon. That being said, it was tough. So tough, in fact, that I got side stitches about 3 minutes into it. With 7 of the 12 minutes remaining, I told myself that if I continued to do all rounds unbroken that I could stop at 10 minutes. I needed this motivation, as I’m confident that I would have completed the same number of rounds in 12 minutes that I did in 10, as I would most certainly have rested during rounds of 10 burpees.
It’s amazing how many thoughts run through my mind during a metcon like this. Why does running hurt do badly? Oh, because you’re out of breath after burpees. And it’s 97 degrees. And running in the sun. It may be, too, that since you’re not coaching endurance and running with athletes that you’re losing some of that conditioning. Should I coach endurance again? If so, at CFD or CFZ? If I do, it must be focused solely on running, and be programmed for 3 months at a time. Oh, shit, more burpees. Wait, I love burpees!
I finished strong, and my last set of burpees was my fastest. I completed 9 rounds + 70m (10, 20, and half of 10m shuttle). Go ahead, bitches, gloat if you beat that score tomorrow. I care naught. Bitches.
I wore running shorts this evening, and Lauren asked if I only wore them when I worked out in the evenings. Yes, Lauren. Be sure to tell Michelle!
As of today, I have retired the phrase “True story”.
I often say “I hate Michael Kelley”. I don’t, however, say, “I hate you, Michael Kelley”. If I ever do, you’ll know that it’s the end of our affair.